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dumb jokes you made!
03-25-2005, 11:38 PM
Post: #31
 
A guy stopped me on the street today, asking for spare change. He said he hadn't had a bite in days, so I bought him a sandwich and helped him find a job to get back on his feet.

I never understood that one...

If I had conjured this as a fiction
I would be scared I'd gone too far
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03-26-2005, 02:29 PM
Post: #32
 
Did he come from the land down under??

Visit me or don't.
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03-27-2005, 05:10 PM
Post: #33
 
I dreamed that I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my giant marshmallow was gone.

CAUTION: Over the weekend, a short psychic escaped from police custody.
He is to be considered a small medium at large.
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03-28-2005, 12:51 PM
Post: #34
 
What did Godzilla say to Tokyo?

"Let me breathe FIRE down on you"

'Cause I get...Oh,
[Image: 5182420330_6ab566d70a_m.jpg]
Carlotta Valdez, Carlotta Valdez, Carlotta Valdez, I will make you her...
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03-28-2005, 02:48 PM
Post: #35
 
What did the five fingers say to the face?

Slap!

CAUTION: Over the weekend, a short psychic escaped from police custody.
He is to be considered a small medium at large.
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03-31-2005, 12:36 PM
Post: #36
 
So, I just heard this one.

Q: What did the photographer say to Snow White?

A: Some day, your prints will come.
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03-19-2008, 04:18 AM
Post: #37
 
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Elliot Spitzer
WRONG HOUSE!!!

Ben Stein Wrote:Flagpole Sitta, is a song about Eugenics.
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03-19-2008, 06:43 AM
Post: #38
 
One cow looks over to another in the pasture, and says: "Hey, are you worried at all about that mad cow disease?" The other cow replies: "What do I care, I'm a helicopter!"

Pray to the God that you don't quite believe in
To bless this fleeting moment
Yeah, YEAH, YEAH!
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03-19-2008, 11:42 AM
Post: #39
 
Q: Why did the goth kid with a lisp join Scientology?

A: He heard it was a Thetanist cult.
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03-19-2008, 03:48 PM
Post: #40
 
I played a funny joke on myself the other day.

First, I drove to the airport to fly to Seattle. Then, once in Seattle, realized I'd lost my keys somewhere, assuming them to be lost on a plane or in an airport. Then, I spent a good amount of time in Seattle trying to track them down, and in the end arranged for a friend to meet us at the airport to give me my spare keys. We return to my car to find that the keys were in the ignition the whole time. And the driver's side window was left wide open. HAHAHA.

Oh bless you, my 1990 Buick, and your general undesirability.
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03-19-2008, 04:15 PM
Post: #41
 
junker Wrote:I played a funny joke on myself the other day.

First, I drove to the airport to fly to Seattle. Then, once in Seattle, realized I'd lost my keys somewhere, assuming them to be lost on a plane or in an airport. Then, I spent a good amount of time in Seattle trying to track them down, and in the end arranged for a friend to meet us at the airport to give me my spare keys. We return to my car to find that the keys were in the ignition the whole time. And the driver's side window was left wide open. HAHAHA.

Oh bless you, my 1990 Buick, and your general undesirability.

There's something about Seattle, and East Coasters, that'll do that...
I lost my wallet before the reunion show, and found it deep inside my couch, months later....
I had to cancel my credit cards, and apply for a drivers license in the Seattle DMV...

Ben Stein Wrote:Flagpole Sitta, is a song about Eugenics.
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03-20-2008, 11:37 AM
Post: #42
 
Well, I am not an East Coaster, but I lost a pair of sunglasses at a party at my house once. After looking everywhere, I despaired of all hope and purchased a new pair. That pair got lost somewhere as well. So I started wearing a clearly inferior pair of sunglasses for a while.

Probably more than six months later, my roommate handed me a pair of sunglasses. It wa the original pair that I lost, hidden deep within the cavernous recesses of the couch where I swore up and down I had looked (because that is where I was confident I lost them). So I found the pair that I lost and gave up looking for and got a new pair to replace but subsequently lost. It was kind of weird.

"Hillary Clinton thinks she's SO cool."
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03-20-2008, 01:09 PM
Post: #43
 
In college, we had this couch that ate things. It was overstuffed and sixth-hand and terrifying. We would periodically find entire blankets that it had eaten. Once, we found a pair of pants in there. The pants had belonged to the couch's previous owner.
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03-20-2008, 01:22 PM
Post: #44
 
My brother-in-law was in town this past weekend and he kept telling the following stupid joke.

Q: What do you call a vegetable with diarrhea?

A: A salad shooter
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03-20-2008, 04:46 PM
Post: #45
 
You gave up penguins for Lent! Congratulations!
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